My girlfriend came across me masturbating on chatroulette. She proceeded to break up with me… on chatroulette. FML
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My stupid roommate just had to have a live tree for Christmas. Our cat went crazy and ended up knocking over the tree into our sliding glass door. Now the apartment complex is charging us $1000 for damages for the clean up and repair. Merry F*cking Christmas. FML.
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There were some crazy sex acts committed in my bed last night. I was at work. All night. FML.
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Stumpy
Priceless!
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SOOSOO
HAHAHAHA
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I just found out my ex girlfriend is getting married soon, to the guy she cheated on me with. I wonder if he knows that she has herpes? F*ck His Life now. He can have her. NotFML.
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Anonymous
but does that mean you have herpes? how do you know?
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My girlfriend wants to do a three way with me and my twin brother. I feel like I’m living out a bad porn. FML.
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Today was my very first day student teaching. One of my students asked me if I rode the short bus to Tard Town. He’s in first grade. I was dissed by a first grader. FML.
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My roomie has decided she’s Wiccan which is fine with me except now she’s going “sky clad” in keeping with her new religious traditions. Sky clad means naked. She weighs about 225 lbs & has flaming red hair, everywhere. FML.
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I just found out the guy I’ve been hooking up with for the past month has a facebook page…..for HIS CAT. FML.
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I was having dinner in a restaurant & there was a Mom with 2 of the brattiest kids I’ve ever seen. After listening to them for 20 minutes I commented loudly that I wish those brats would sit down & behave. The Mom turned around & shot me the death stare. It was my English prof. FML.
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I had a date with a guy I met online. When I saw his pic I thought he looked familiar but he swore we didn’t know each other. When we met tonight I realized right away that he, is a she & was my stalker freshman roomate. She is now in the process of becoming he but still stalking me. FML & my stalker ex roomate.
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Next semester, I am still a freshman. FML.
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Some drunk guy in a bar last night spilled beer all over me and my friends so I kneed him in the crotch. I went into work today and was introduced to our new district manager. Hello Mr. Drunk Guy, you’re now my boss. FML.
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I thought catching crabs from a toilet seat was a joke. I guess it’s not. FML.
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I’m gay and I had sex for the first time with a guy from Lipscomb. The next day he called me crying, saying we’re going to hell. He confessed our “sin” to his preacher and now I’m getting hate texts from people I don’t know. The sex wasn’t even that good. FML.
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It’s 11:30 PM and I’m in my dorm room, alone, watching Roseanne re-runs on Nick-At-Nite. FML.
Anonymous 1:34 pm on February 9, 2010 Permalink |
thats hott